Attention Welmert Shoppers....

Many people who know me, know of my intense dislike of a certain huge discount store. My hatred of this store, which we will just call Welmert, is based on the following indisputable facts: that it's insanely busy; it's full of rude shoppers clogging the aisles with their big blue carts; and by far the worst offense - it's consistently slow and understaffed checkouts. (Why have 20 closed registers and only have 2 or 3 open? To mock your shoppers? It drives me stupid.)

Every time I go, which is rare, I vow to never shop there again, but then I see a sale price and decide to try it once more. But I'm done. Do you hear me Welmert? Done.

It started few weeks ago. We had to buy a new lawnmower and they had the best price. Off we went one evening at 7:30 - packing up the kids even though we were nearing their bedtime. We got to the store, found the lawnmower, located our own dolly and picked up a few sundry items - which ARE remarkably priced - and headed to checkout. This part took us 20 minutes tops. At checkout, 2 are open for people with more than 10 items, the lineups are all backed up well into the clothing displays. It's now 8 pm and the kids are tired, but I take Kaya out of her carrier and let Kieran wander around the store while Eric waits. And waits. And waits. He's in the line for about 30 minutes before finally its his turn. But the price of the lawnmower is scanning at $50 higher than advertised. The girl rings for the manager and then stands there staring at her nails. 5 more minutes go by, I count 24 people lined up behind Eric and no manager appears. I sooooo want to leave but we NEED that lawnmower and God knows when Eric will have another free evening, so I bite my tongue. Finally a manager comes over to the checkout area delivering extra bags (NOT answering our cashiers call) and we explain the situation. She pulls us out of the line and checks the flyer but there are no lawnmowers in it. So, we have to go all the way back to the seasonal section and physically show her the sign and then she OKs the sale price. I'm pissed at such a total waste of my time and am about 2 seconds away from telling her that they should be ashamed of making people wait 45 minutes to pay for their crap, but I refrain. We leave...it's 9pm.

That night, coincidentally, we are going through all our summer photos and trying to decide which to print. After shopping around we realize that Welmert is advertising 15 cents a print and nobody else even comes close...so I cave. The prints, all 160 including some 5x7s and 8x10s, are ready the next morning so I go pick them up, there is no line and I'm happy. So happy, that while I'm there I look into their portrait studio and decide that I'll book a session for the kids. (They are advertising a pretty good portrait deal for $7.99 whoo hoo!). I'm happy until I get home and see that EVERY single photo has a big scratch line through it. Every one, including the 8x10 etc. So back I go, fuming and they reprint all the photos. Fine.

So, yesterday was the portrait appointment. I made it for 6pm so Eric could be there and it was early enough that I can still get the kids home at a decent time. We dress them up in their matchy-matchy navy and white outfits and go.

It starts out OK, except that Kieran is being uncooperative. The set up for a toddler and baby is less than ideal as the carpeted hump they have the baby propped up on precludes Kieran getting close to her unless he's willing to put his arm around her, which he isn't. We convince him to lean in a couple of times and kiss her, but although cute in theory the photo is of the back of his head, blocking her face. But without him leaning into her, the photo set up looks stupid. So we abandon the two-shot and take some individually. Kaya is an budding supermodel - smiling and laughing- but the photographer is having trouble and keeps saying the camera isn't taking shots when she's pressing the buttons. Same thing for Kieran. But after about 45 minutes we have enough and we're done.

Now apparently, a few days prior, the studio had made the big switch to digital, so the photographer had told us ahead of time that when we were done we sit at the computer and they show us some of the "optional enhancements" they can now make to the photos right there. The photographer picks only the 8 or so (of 35 total) that she thinks are best and one by one pulls it up and without any input from us makes some kind of enhancement to it...for example: cute photo of Kaya with a navy shirt and white background NOW can have a huge hot pink "PRINCESS" printed on it. We watch her go through and butcher most of the photos - adding ridiclous crayon borders and typing "Giggles!" beside a laughing Kieran shot. In the middle this her computer crashes (surely it was protesting her lack of taste). Kieran is starving and rolling on the floor. Kaya is starving and fussy and this is taking FOREVER. We hate all four photos of the kids together and but do we have a cute series of three photos of Kieran laughing that they put side by side in what they are calling a "collage" and there is one shot of Kaya that we absolutely love. We're thinking of going ahead and ordering that when the photographer says the cost for the three photo "Kieran collage" is $179. For a moment, I'm thinking...she must mean they are a $1.79 but I get her to repeat the price and its $179, plus $80 for the frame.

Exsqueeze me? You KNOW you're Welmert, right?

I realize now that the $7.99 package sign is gone and I ask about new package prices. The girl gets a little flip book out, which is apparently top secret as she sheilds it from my eyes, and says the cheapest package is now $79.99. I see. So, I ask about getting the photos on a CD which she had mentioned earlier was now available. That is $99. What if we go with no package and just get one 8x10 of each child..that would be $9.99 per sheet. OK, we'll do that just to get the frak out of there. The picture of Kieran we like best is off center so she zooms it in a bit and then tells us that if we print the zoomed in version, even though its correcting her error, it's another $6. She can tell we're pissed now. But we pick another of Kieran that is at least centered and confirm the order. We would have left empty handed but we had wasted over 2 hours now and I wanted something to show for it.

Anyway, both kids are now crying and we pack up our stuff and leave. We get home...its almost 8:30, I'm trying to get the baby to bed and Eric is giving Kieran dinner and I see the message light is flashing. It's Welmert. We forgot to pay for the two photos before we left and if we don't go back to the store that night and pay, its going to cost us an additional $9.99 Call Back fee.

Screw you Welmert, I'm going to Bellers.