Short and Sweet

As I'm sure lots of parents do, I get weekly emails from a babycare website telling me what exactly, developmentally speaking,  my child should be doing this week.  When Kieran was first born I read every single one as if it were the law. I remember thinking that it was vitally important that he, say, "tracked objects with his eyes", or "made sounds other than crying" right on time. Then I realized that these emails were doing nothing but causing unnecessary stress, so I basically stopped reading them, unless something really caught my eye. 

Like this...

This week,  the subject line was "How Tall Will Your Child Be?".  Now, let me backtrack a minute here. I am under exactly zero illusions that either of my children will be tall. I am not tall. Eric, like probably every single one of his Chinese ancestors, is not tall. My family, with the notable exception of one brother who tops six feet (oooh! a giant!!)  is generally more or less average height. 

My first clue that Kieran might not be a tremendous basketball player came very early...basically starting with his feet. He wore his Robeez 6-12 months slippers well past 18 - 20 months. I have Baby Gap socks of that same time frame (6-12 mos) that I haven't even bothered to put on him because they look gargantuan to me. 

My next clue is that, now that summer is back, I have realized that he can still wear most of his summer clothes from last year. Comfortably. I cannot buy him pants for a two year old because they simply fall right off. 

So, in short, I get it, the boy is wee. 

Then this week, comes this "How Tall Will Your Child Be" email. It required me to plug in some salient facts..his age (2), current height (2 ft, 7 inches) and weight (24lbs) and mine and Eric's heights. Press Enter.

Result: "At age 18 your child will be 5 feet 3 inches tall." WHAT?! That's actually SHORTER than me! (I'm 5 feet and 3.5 inches, thank you very much). Sure, that would be OK on a girl...but for a boy??  That's shoe lift territory! Give the poor kid a break, will you, God?

So, great. Even with their "plus or minus 2 inches" disclaimer, I'm still horrified. I know I should never have taken the quiz to begin with, but now I cannot erase what it told me from my brain.

I hope the 'Your child this week" emails continue and give me more helpful insights and links. Maybe next week, it will give me tips on how to groom my son for his future as a jockey and the messages will continue into his teen years to include ideas on how to comfort him when he cannot get a date because nobody wants  the "little guy" for a boyfriend.  

No thanks. My only pathetic revenge is to unsubscribe from these pointless emails. That, and rent Seabiscuit.